“Sometimes you’ve just reached the end of your proverbial rope, and it’s time to crawl into bed, eat some ice cream, and listen to Joni Mitchell for just as long as it takes.”

“It’s okay to be sad, but remember that there are still nice things in the world. And you’re one of them.”

“Our feet are asleep, Sagittarius. That might not mean anything to you, but it tells us that this December is going to be your time to shine. And we mean really shine, like you are a beautifully polished piece of chrome!”

“When an unfamiliar man arrives in your life, do not, Sagittarius, under any circumstances, tell that stranger the name of your first childhood pet.”

“Comic books are really, really good, Aquarius. It’s time for you to start getting really, really into them. Not the superhero ones. The really weird ones.”