Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
We are so sorry, Leo. Please accept this image as a token of our heartfelt sorrow on your behalf.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
It is time, Virgo, to undertake an ambitious project. Something spanning multiple months or even years. Do not think about whether it will be successful. Simply begin it and see what comes.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
It’s hard to believe that we are already midway through 2021, isn’t it, Libra? Don’t feel bad about all those things you meant to do this year and haven’t yet. Remember that we are still in the midst of a global pandemic, and a little kindness to yourself goes a long way.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Take a lesson from Libra, Scorpio. Be kind to yourself. Recall that of your myriad projects, many are self-assigned and thus can be delayed, retooled, or altogether abandoned, if that is ultimately your desire! You are the master of your own destiny. Except when it comes to your appendix, we guess. That thing could go at any moment.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21)
The skeleton arm in this image represents you, Sagittarius. What that means, only you will know.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You smell delicious, Capricorn! Like sugar cookies, butter, and vanilla. What soap are you using? Or is that a lotion? We have a lot of questions. We’ll be in your kitchen when you have answers.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
This would be an ideal month to simply sleep through, Aquarius. If you can’t do that, consider reading a lot of books instead. Either way, it will be time well spent.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Aries (March 21-April 19)
It’s awful, isn’t it, Aries, when you wake up in a wonderful mood and suddenly your parakeet greets you in the foulest humor possible? We very much agree. Perhaps it is time to ask the parakeet to take its leave.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
This is the universe we see you in, Taurus.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Oh, Gemini. You are doing so well! We are so proud of you. Keep up your excellent work and don’t get disheartened when folks try to drag you down.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
It’s still weird that your Zodiac sign shares a name with a reprehensible disease, Cancer. We’re thinking of changing things up. Maybe calling you something milder. Restless Leg Syndrome? Nah, too long. We’ll let you know when we’ve got a good new handle for you.
Dinah Takitov is probably sad today.
Collages by Dinah Takitov. Main image by Nastya Dulhiier on Unsplash.