Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
A bad penny always turns up, Aquarius. How long has it been since you picked up a penny just because it was shining on the ground? No pennies are truly bad. They’re made that way by capitalism. Give the pennies a break.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
A pound of prevention is better than a cure, Pisces. Please proceed accordingly. You know… with the vaccinations and whatnot.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
All’s well that ends well, Aries, or so the saying goes. It’s lies! Things rarely end well — they simply end. We can attest to this; don’t test us.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Be cautious and be kind to yourself, Taurus. The world is a big, dangerous place, and we aren’t sure that it isn’t out to get you.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Good fences make good neighbors, Gemini. Keep yours up high for the next few weeks.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Curiosity killed the cat, Cancer. You’re not a cat, though. Remain curious.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Live and let live, Leo. Despite the bad behavior of many people, we recommend that you remain empathetic to the circumstances that led them to be that way.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
Variety is the spice of life, Virgo. Change up your routine this month.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
Let bygones be bygones, Libra. We’re a month into the new year and you are still holding on to grudges you can’t even remember the root cause of. Quit that.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
We love you, Scorpio. You’re doing great.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21)
Seek and ye shall find, Sagittarius. We hope your eyeglasses resurface in the near future.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Cut your coat according to your cloth, Capricorn! Pay attention to the selvage edge of the fabric, along with its grain and pattern. We expect to see the finished result next winter.
Dinah Takitov is hopeful.