On modesty

^{Adam Jones from Kelowna, BC, Canada, CC BY-SA 2.0}

Female modesty is no joke amongst some Muslim women, even American ones. Of course, there is no monolithic understanding of modesty for a religious group that exceeds a billion people; but in general, it means covering up anything that might be considered ‘erogenous’.

As I understand it, the desire for modesty isn’t born only out of a want to feel spiritually connected to God and please Him; it is also tied to wanting to protect men — those poor (presumably lascivious) men.

Three middle-aged women once came over to my mother’s apartment. These women wanted my mom to speak to her younger sister, who was in her forties, about the way she dressed when attending the mosque. They said that the fabric of my aunt’s clothing was so sheer that her bra straps were visible.

The mosque my aunt went to, due to space constraints, had one large prayer room — most mosques have separate spaces for men and women. In this mosque, the men and boys, as a block, prayed in the front. Women and girls prayed in the back. 

The reason the women were put in the back was to help the men not be distracted when they were supposed to be focusing on God. The idea was that even if women were ‘properly’ attired, if the men saw them in certain prescribed prayer positions, they might become aroused. One such position, the ruku, is when a person places their hands on their knees, and they are bent at the waist. The other position, sujood, is when the head and palms touch the floor. In both positions, the butt of the person praying sticks up.

The unspoken sentiment in the request these women made of my mom was that the men might have impure thoughts about my aunt. Even though my aunt would not have been praying in front of the men during prayer, these women still wanted my aunt to change how she dressed. To my disappointment, my mom did not laugh in those women’s faces.

These Aunt Lydias were not content with controlling how they and their family members dressed; they wanted to control how any woman who went to the mosque dressed.

Why is the burden of preventing men from sinning being placed on women? Why are women accepting this responsibility? If you ask Muslim women this, they might say that God is wiser than man and that they wish to honor His words, whether it makes sense or not.

I can’t help feeling like there’s something wrong with a practice that prioritizes the well-being of men to such a degree that it must control what a woman is or is not allowed to do. Muslim women will argue vociferously with me, but the religion feels sexist to me — granted, I am a very Americanized woman who became an atheist at age 13.

However, what I understand about feminism is that it’s about women having agency. This means that we all get to interpret the culture(s) we belong to and dress ourselves according to our wishes. 

So, I’m not saying we should ban hijabs like the French. But neither should we police the bodies of women for the sake of ‘modesty’ or make women responsible for the purity of men’s thoughts.

Shampa Shoopman was born in Bangladesh and immigrated to the Tri-Cities in the mid 1980s. The Hanford High grad went on to earn a BA in English from the University of Washington, specializing in creative writing. As with many aspiring authors, she struggles with procrastination and perfectionism. But as a firm believer in better late than never, she has taken to writing again.