Memory garden
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, the day started just like any other.
She stared, weighed, measured, and chose. Tweezers plucked a gray eyebrow. It was not the only one. In fact, she had removed all visible gray hairs. There would be few remaining, not enough to define an eyebrow. But this mattered not. Something about this hair (or that one) was especially offensive. It had to go, but its neighbor was allowed to remain for another day.
Control. She had to be in control.
If someone had asked her, she would have denied it. She was not consciously aware of her need to control, but it was there all the same. This need controlled her actions with even more tenacity than she used with those around her.
Do unto others …
You can’t buy love …
Love thy neighbor …
Respect must be earned …
If you can’t stand the heat …
You made your bed, now …
Truisms, philosophy, rules for living — call them what you will. She knew them (and had even been known to use them on occasion), while in blissful ignorance, she completely failed to apply any of them. Her life was barren of formal morality. She followed only that which was useful at any particular moment, only the rules which helped her exercise control. Respect, lack of conflict, and utter and unquestioned obedience to her every whim — she didn’t think she was asking for much.
Unsurprisingly, hers was a lonely existence. People came into her life and left just as quickly. Family members, after years of misery, decided it was less painful to turn and walk away. Others, for reasons of their own, stayed, prayed, and silently wished for deliverance. It was a lonely life as devoid of true love as a desert is of water, yet it was a life of her making. For if anything is true in this world, it’s that we must live with the consequences of our decisions.
It has been said that when we come upon a crossroad in life, we should take the road less traveled. We should take the road that will be the hardest for us to walk upon. We should do that which is hard. Doing the right thing isn’t easy. Immediate gratification always extracts a heavy price later in life. And her life was extracting that payment.
Self-righteously assured of her own infallibility, she would not allow herself to see that she was responsible for the pain in her life. Like many of us do, she found others to blame. In so doing, she placed the pain she had earned onto others. And while this brought momentary comfort, even relief, it cost her in the end.
For a small minority in this world, life is a joyful experience. Happiness is something they do not wish to keep to themselves but joyfully share. Theirs is a life filled with love, laughter, and happy memories. This is not to say that their lives are completely easy, that they never face difficult decisions. But when these times of crisis come upon them, they reflect, weigh the results of all possible decisions, and choose that which is hard. They do the right thing — not only for themselves but for those they love. And in so doing, they earn respect and love from those they care about and who care about them. They build up happy memories. And when the time comes for their lives to end, it will be a happy flower garden planted around their marble. Riotous with color, sweet smelling, happy memories will surround all thought of them and will live on for years, building a life of its own.
Not all will plant such a garden. And when the life of this lonely woman comes to an end, the garden planted by her hand will be as gray and lonely as the eyebrow hair resting in the bottom of her bathroom sink. Her memory garden will be barren of color and full of painful thorns.
The truth that she sadly failed to recognize is that it is never too late to change. Even when you find yourself in the twilight of your life, like Scrooge, you can change. Like most things in life, change is a choice. You have free will! Exercise it, and plant colorful flowers in your memory garden.
What do you wish to leave behind after you are gone? What do you bequeath to your family? What will live on after you? A colorful, peaceful garden of flowers or a quickly forgotten briar patch?
The choice is yours. Tell those you care about that you love them, and show this love with actions. Words plant the seeds, but loving actions water the flowers and cause them to grow. Shower those you love with love, and your memory garden will be bright and full of color.
Charles is a retired professional who, despite all the intervening years, still misses the hair he used to have.